More than 30 years ago, when I moved to San Francisco from Illinois to live with my former husband, my friend who he had left me for, and our son, I learned the difference between decision and choice.
The back story here is a whole 'nother narrative. Suffice it to say, it was the seventies and we were earnestly trying to create family from the shambles of two broken marriages. It had been a couple of years since the explosion. Emotions had cooled. But I still carried with me the questions of: "What makes her better than me? What is wrong with me?"
One evening, she and I sat on the couch in front of the window that overlooked Golden Gate Park, in our upstairs flat in the Sunset District. We had been living and functioning as a family unit for a month or two, but that night I was feeling bad. According to house rules, we needed to talk about it. He was pacing, as always, while we sat on the couch.
Suddenly he said, "Which is better, vanilla or strawberry?" We looked at each other and looked at him. He repeated the question, directing it at me.
"Well, I guess strawberry."
"Why?"
"Because...I don't know, because I like it."
"But is strawberry better than vanilla?"
He continued, pointing at me, "You're strawberry." He pointed at her. "You're vanilla."
"Vanilla isn't better than strawberry. It's just vanilla. Strawberry isn't better than vanilla, it's strawberry."
And in that instant, I got it! There was nothing inherently better about either of us.
Aside from our son, that was probably the best gift he ever gave me.
I started reading a new book last night called The Scalpel and the Soul by Allan J. Hamilton, MD, FACS
He reminded me of this.
I like being reminded that I'm always at choice.
I like this blog entry. It is so true. Two people are as different as night and day. There is nothing wrong with either person. They're just different with different feelings for each.
ReplyDeleteWow! What insight!
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