Old Dogs

 Our next-door neighbors have dogs. So do we. When I sit at my kitchen table to write, I look out on their fenced yard and see their dogs out playing and walking around. 

Petunia, the oldest and smallest, has developed Old Dog Vestibular Disease. That condition usually is severe in the beginning and then gets better after a couple of weeks. One of our dogs had it and I remember how scary it was at the time. Petunia is a 15-year-old terrier and the most persistent little dog I know. She wobbles and sometimes falls down, but never gives up. Every day she stumbles around the yard with great determination. She sometimes curls up in the sun and simply sniffs the air. Right now, she's inspirational to me.

I seem to have developed old people vestibular something or other. Through the last eight years of Qigong practice, my balance has improved immensely. That's just the opposite of what you might expect because I've simultaneously gotten older. Now, at 70, I have better balance, stronger legs and ankles, and surety of foot than I did a decade ago. And yet . . .

There are days the world spins. Yes, I know about the Epley Maneuver and use it. Often, it helps. Until the next time. When my head is heavy and unstable, when my steps are not entirely under my control, I remember how it felt in the bad old days I thought were the good old days, back when I drank to excess to produce that same effect. It was fun, wasn't it? Euphoria, out-of-control, funny. Walking into walls and tumbling down steps wasn't embarrassing, it was hilarious. Until the next day.

If I were a believer in punishing gods, I would think I'm getting my just desserts. But I don't. I will go through the painstaking steps to try to pinpoint the cause and accept whatever remediation is indicated. I also know and remember every day, that I am happy to still be alive. The odds weren't always with me living to this ripe old age. 

Like Petunia, I will persist. Some days all I can do is sit in the sun and enjoy the scent of grass and trees, marvel at the flocks of birds flying in formation, feel the breeze kiss my cheek, and be grateful for my life as it is.