Observations from the Invisibility Cloak

When I was 28 and writing poetry, I wrote a poem lamenting the feeling that I was invisible because I was no longer the youngest, cutest thing on the block --- and I had become a mother. Now I'm in my sixties and really invisible. And I like it!

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Aging in Never-Never Land

I'm a Baby Boomer. In some circles that's a pejorative term. There is no way to calculate the impact of the Baby Boom generation on our country and our society, but we all know it's been significant.

Some people assert that "youth culture" originated with the BBs. I expect there's some truth to that. But we're far from young now, and the youthful orientation of everything from fashion to music to food and shelter still predominates, especially in the media. What does it mean that the vast majority of images, entertainment, and even news are directed toward young people, with elders shunted to the side or relegated to the wrong end of jokes? And has it always been this way? I suspect it has. After all, Wallis Simpson was saying "A woman can never be too rich or too thin" long before World War II.

What's missing, for me, is a positive template for aging in the midst of youth culture. My mom, who has modeled many positive behaviors for me throughout my life, completely missed the boat on this one. She never actually reconciled herself to being old, which played out bizarrely in the years when dementia was setting in. No help there.

The archetypes we're all familiar with provide glimpses, but don't pertain well to the 21st century. We're not going to be little white-haired ladies in long skirts and aprons, feeding the chickens and up to our elbows in bread dough. We're not going to retire to the front porch with the rocking chair at the tender age of 65, surrounded by our brood of perfectly attentive, adoring grandchildren. And nobody wants to be the lady with dyed red hair and bright pink lipstick whose matching polyester pantsuit was all the rage in 1978.

Who do we model ourselves after, if anybody? Gloria Steinem has served for a long time, and continues to be a vital woman. Nothing seems to be slowing Hillary Clinton down. But if you're like me, and you've spent your life going along, doing what needs to be done, with no acclaim or celebrity, how do you hold onto the feeling that life is still interesting, there are more things to learn, it's still important to get up in the morning and keep on going?

I do much better when I shut out most of the media noise. I choose my information content and limit it to what I think is important. Who the hell cares what's styling this year? Why would I ever feel like I have to spend money I don't have on things I don't need? I don't go shopping. I don't watch tv. When I start to feel like there's something wrong with me ---- I'm not good enough! I'm not thin enough! I'm not smart enough! I'm not successful! ---- I back it up a notch or two. 

Life is not a competition. We're all heading toward the same end --- I'd like to pace myself and reach it, as a friend on facebook recently said, with a smile on my face. There's so much ambient noise these days, too many ways to be thrown off track and into doubt. Forgiveness is the watchword for me right now. Forgiveness of the foibles of the people around me, and forgiveness of myself. 

So bring it! I can stay up playing games and listening to TED talks till all hours if I want to. And I can sleep late with my doggies, as well. Because who's going to tell me I can't? I'm a Baby Boomer and, at 63, I'm a little bit tired and a little bit grumbly and that will just have to be enough.


No comments:

Post a Comment