There was a time, back in the Dark Ages, when I was young and limber and relatively fit. But never was I athletic. I'm very short, have stubby little arms and legs and a center of gravity somewhere near my knees. I'm the opposite of a "natural athlete".
Nonetheless, looking over the possibilities of the social structure in High School, I decided that I needed to be a cheerleader. They were happy, bouncy, wore cute clothes and had all the best boyfriends. They were the top of the heap. So every morning I would roll out of bed early and stretch and jump, practice cartwheels and try oh, so hard, to do the splits. Think about the tightest rubber band you've ever come across. That was me, trying to do splits.
Needless to say, I was eliminated in the first round of tryouts. My humiliation was tempered only by the thought that at least I could run for class president now. That was actually a relief.
You see, I had skills and talents of my own. After years of herding and coaxing three younger siblings, leadership ran in my blood. (Some would call it bossiness.) I read voraciously and understood most of what I was reading, even the hard stuff. I wrote, made good grades, could talk my way out of nearly any trouble. I was a performer ---- acting, singing, playing in band. It was disappointing not to be able to break into the top echelon of high school society, but in the end I realized I never would have fit in anyway.
And that's what got me thinking about politicians this morning. I'm pretty horrified about what's been happening in my state of North Carolina. I don't see any way to interpret much of the new legislation aside from being a slide into a Lord of the Flies state of "every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost." You know, kind of like High School.
It's easy to paint with a broad brush, to target the most obvious figures, the loudest voices, the gaffes and blatant ignorance. But what about the people who came to the General Assembly wanting to do good for the folks back home? Surely there must be legislators in their first or second term who don't hold positions of power, don't have the microphones, and are not idealogues wedded to the good of Party above the good of anything else. I have to believe there are people of conscience in both parties who want to improve things for their constituents and for the good of the state. What are they thinking now?
Do they wish they'd never gotten into this? In the middle of the night, do they question the wisdom of legislation that cuts people off unemployment, people they probably have talked to face to face, knowing that in their district there are no jobs to be had? Do they worry about the children who will be crowded into large classes without access to the tools and books they need? Do they wonder if party discipline is worth more than voting their conscience? Do they ever feel like they're stuck in a nightmare?
I know that it's possible for something to look shiny and wonderful on the outside, but when you open it up it's hollow, or even disgusting --- nothing like what you imagined. We've all experienced that at one time or another, whether it's sending off for the "printing press" on the back of a cereal box and finding out it was a cheap piece of plastic with leaky ink, or whether it's getting a coveted job, only to discover that you're expected to sell defective merchandise or stretch the truth about what you're doing. Have any of our elected officials, here in NC or up in DC, found out that the shiny job is far more tarnished than they thought? And what do you do when that happens?
I have a remarkable belief in the basic, inborn goodness of people. I understand that there are venal, cruel, power-hungry control freaks out there. My good fortune is that I've rarely come across one close up. But I still do believe in the inherent worth and dignity of everyone and that, given the opportunity to live without fear, most people will be peaceable toward others.
What is the fear level in the chambers of government right now? It seems it must be very high. I'm glad I don't have to live like that. I'm glad I'm in the concert band instead of on the football field. And my hope is that those with the power to impact people's lives, actually to ruin the lives of so many, will listen to the voices that may come in the night. None of us is here for long. The glories on the playing field are quickly gone, no matter how mighty they seem at the time. And in the end we're only left with the voice that asks:
Was I kind? Did I do more good than harm?
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