An Altered State of Mind

                                                                             

When the shrink says you don't have to come back for half a year, that means you're getting better. That's what happened today. I made an appointment for November, which is an unthinkably long time from now.

She's right. I am better. I have to look back over my shoulder to see how far I've come since the dark days of winter when every time my phone rang, if it wasn't Jill, I didn't answer. Back to when I would sleep eleven hours and then take a nap in the afternoon. Back when anything and everything could make me cry. Even I can see I'm better than that!

I listened to part of a program today about the medicalization of everyday life. I was driving at the time, and listening intently, which can sometimes lead to speeding on the beltline. (abberrant behavior!) No blue lights, and I did remember to get off at my exit. That's improvement, too.

Is that what we're doing, as one doctor posited, turning any deviation from some mythical norm into pathology? Or are we simply more discerning, more open and less stigmatizing of mental, emotional and physical differences? Much of the discussion centered on children, which is important, since the way they are treated while young will define their own worldview. And someday they'll be making the decisions.

It all makes me think about Dennis the Menace. (If you are under a certain age, you might have to google.) Where would he be today? For that matter, would anybody even think his adventures and hijinks are funny these days? I used to wrestle with this when I was a classroom teacher for 6-8 year olds. When is the behavior just children being children and when is it abnormal? 

So much "acting out" that is intolerable in the classroom is perfectly normal for the child involved. Who said that all 7 year olds have to be able to perform at the same level academically and behaviorally? Isn't that completely unreasonable given the enormous differences between individual humans of all ages?

Dennis the Menace was a pain in the ass in school, but was he disordered? Diseased? In need of drugs? How much of our current "crisis in education" is driven by the desire to have children stop being children and become utterly controlled and controllable little robots? Do we have room in our schools and in our society for people who see the world differently, for imaginative expression, for non-conformity?

I am grateful for the relief that anti-depressant medication has afforded me. At the same time, I have diligently pursued talk therapy as well. Better living through chemistry has its limits. 

I visited my mother in her Alzheimer's Unit today. (That can be pretty depressing.) She's had a medication change to try to diminish the extreme agitation that accompanies every bit of personal care for her. She needs help with everything from bathing to toileting, but hollers bloody murder the whole time. Drugs can help, but finding the right level is hard and nobody wants her to turn into a zombie. I want to see the little sparks of life and recognition that are still there.

In 2013, for millions of people, psych drugs are as much a part of everyday life as driving to work or eating ice cream. Is that driven by need or availability? I have to admit I'm attracted to conspiracy theories when it comes to BigPharma. They've got more money than God and it just keeps rolling in. But then, maybe that's just my drugs making me paranoid.

This also reminds me of Brave New World, Aldous Huxley's 1931 dystopian novel in which people regulate themselves with a readily available drug called soma. We still have too much Puritan ethic to allow widespread use of our collection of soma-like substances (regulate! tax! restrict! stigmatize!) but when all mood-altering chemistry and activities are considered together, we may be well on the way to a brave new world.

I feel speculative about all of this. If the natural state of life for humans is "solitary, poor, nasty, brutish and short" as Thomas Hobbes said, then bring on the drugs --- along with sanitation, government, healthcare and hot water. I think we can do better at everyday life than that.