Simple words

I am trying to simplify the things I touch directly. I want to be able to be very clear about  my own motives, my words and actions. In order to communicate effectively with Mom, I have to slow down my speech and enunciate. I also use plenty of gestures, especially pointing her in the direction she needs to go. I edit my speech, take out most of the explanation and description and get down to the meat of it. I also find myself being very directive, not unlike when I was teaching. Sit here. Put this on. Set it down. Wait.

As someone who trades in words, this has a peculiar effect on me. I am reading a lot of fiction these days, and I relish the language with a new ardor. I want to highlight or read aloud words, phrases, whole paragraphs, simply because they delight me. I hope that spills over into  my writing, once I get cranked up again.

I have also been reading for a class called "The South in Black and White". There is a great deal of reading for this class, but it's the kind I love, reading that expands my thinking, gives me new windows through which to gaze on familiar sights.

When my father had Alzheimers, he lost his speech fairly early. AD progresses differently in each person. Mom has kept her ability to speak and read, though they are halting. She often surprises me with her intact vocabulary. She can't remember my name, or the names of common objects, but she will use verbs like justify or revert, or she'll describe Buddy as looking pathetic, exhausted, or clever. I wonder how some words escape while others are trapped in the black hole that is eating up her brain.

I fear losing words. More than becoming physically disabled, I am afraid of losing expression and communication. I hope I will avoid her fate, though there is no way to know and no way to stave it off, if it's coming. For now, I can only savor the delicious morsels that come my way, work like fury to produce as many stories and ideas as I can, and be grateful for each day that I still know for certain that a dog is a dog, an orange is sweet and juicy, and my wife's name is Jill. Today I have that.