Night of Mystery

We're venturing out to the fire tonight.  We have friends who live near a big lake, way out there in the woods where there are lots of animals and other things we don't see in the city.  They even have stars out there!

I don't actually think of myself as a city girl. When I was a kid, we always lived in small towns, some so small the business district was only one block long. Over the years, I've lived in some cities like Chicago and San Francisco, but the majority of my time has been spent in places small enough that Raleigh feels BIG by comparison.

Occasionally, like right now after reading about Alcott and Emerson and Thoreau, I get the notion that I could embrace the simple life, a rustic cabin in the woods, away from the sights and sounds of cars and sirens and other people.  But the truth is, the country kind of freaks me out.  Especially at night.

This evening, we'll gather with friends.  Each time we do this it is a little different, but it is also remarkably the same.  A couple of people will tend the fire --- nearly always the same ones ---- a couple will decide it's too cold outside and seek the warmth of indoors. There might be some new people, but most will be familiar faces, friends of long-standing, who have gathered for monthly potlucks for years.  By this time we know a lot about each other.  These nights, especially the ones around the firepit, are the times we share tremendous burdens, outrageous dreams, quiet joys and deep sorrows. To speak into this group is to be upheld by the women present.

These are the women I hope to grow old with. These are the women for whom I expect to bake casseroles, give rides, visit when they're sick and sit with when they're sad. I plan to be there in person when I can and in spirit when necessary. This is my family of choice.

Dreams and intentions spoken before the fire take on power.  Sorrows and fears thrown into the fire are consumed and released. We all are witness for each other.

When all is said and done and we've eaten too much and laughed a lot and no doubt, shed some tears, the cars and pick-ups will spark to life and headlights seek out deer on the roads, as most of us wend our way back to the city. There are jobs to do and homes to tend and traffic to curse and people to meet.  But each of us takes some of the mystery of a moonless night by the fire, of secrets told and lives celebrated, back to the "real lives" we lead.

So, while I'm glad we get to come home to our snug little house with a two-car attached garage with a push button opener, I'm even more glad we can wrap the cold night around us and warm ourselves at the fire with the women we love.